Why it is good to travel before a couple crisis
Although it is hard to face it, the reality is that not all couples last forever. Before deciding if you want to continue or, on the contrary, cut from the root, we explain why a getaway It can help you reflect.
Travel, relax and become willing or willing to re-fall in love © Alamy
After a long period with the same partner there are certain aspects that may come to light even if we do not want to. Sometimes that initial crush fades, each one evolves or grows in a different way until it ends up having incompatible personalities, that certain idealization that was had of the other is lost… Many are the potholes through which a relationship can go through, but What to do when it comes to a major crisis?
For the holistic psychologist Antía Revenga The answer is simple: TRAVEL. “Traveling helps you feel alive, connects you with who you are, beyond your roles and the different roles you play, and it helps you to have lucid moments to discover what you want to do with your life”, Explains the author of the blog Researcher of happiness. We speak with her to know the reasons why making a getaway can help us open our minds and, more importantly, the practical advice to follow during this complicated process.
Travel as a way to purify © Alamy
1. YOU WILL LEAVE YOUR COMFORT AREA
After years of relationship, both members of the couple end up acquiring a set of habits and a routine in common from which it costs a lot to part. "In a way, it's similar to getting out of an addiction”, Explains the specialist. "Traveling helps you check if you are facing something real and that it is contributing something to you, or it is simply a necessity ”or a dependency. Whether it's a short trip or a long trip, this experience will help you get out of your comfort zone and see how you feel about yourself.
2. YOU WILL DISCOVER YOUR DEEPER FEELINGS
Are you miss your partner? Do you feel you want to share the things that are happening to you with the other person? Or, on the contrary, do you feel that it is a real relief to resume contact with yourself? Do you think you are growing more alone than in your relationship?
There are many questions to ask ourselves during this adventure and for that reason, the ideal is to do it alone. Although traveling in a group can also be used to make a decision, doing so only after all means “exposing yourself more, but also discovering more,” says Revenga. "When you are accompanied, you don't have to 'look for beans', you don't have to make new friends along the way, ask if you get lost ... in these cases, both the group and the couple can act as a support," he says. Traveling takes us to unknown places and situations that They help us to know each other better and to discover what we really want.
3. YOU WILL RETURN THE THINGS YOU LIKE
“We don't have to get complicated. Life is already too complicated in itself, ”says Revenga. In Japanese, the term crisis means 'opportunity', so Why not take advantage of this dilemma to do what we really want? Visit that hidden village between mountains that you never went because your boyfriend was more than beach, know that city that your partner had already gone three times and did not want to repeat, make that backpacking trip that she never liked ... According to Revenga, "We tend to pull inertia or routines in our day to day and do not consider anything beyond work, reach the end of the month ... and in the end you do not choose what to do with your time. While when you have a crisis, you can ask yourself what you really want. It is a perfect time to connect with your essence, with the deepest part of you. ”
Are you miss your partner? © Alamy
4. YOU WILL TEST
“Experiment, surprise yourself by doing things you never thought you would do,” advises Antía Revenga. Traveling alone puts you in front of multiple situations that you never thought you would be able to face. Getting away from the couple helps us discover facets of our personality that we did not know until now. The ideal? Boost your interest and curiosity for everything around you.
5. YOU WILL HAVE TIME TO MEDITATE
“Disconnect with yourself to reconnect”, says Revenga. That is the main objective of traveling alone. When you don't go with a group, you can take all the time in the world to reflect and think about what your goals are, your priorities and your passions. However, it is also important “intersperse moments of solitude and introspection with moments of socialization and expansion ”.
6. YOU WILL MAKE A DECISION WITH PERSPECTIVE
Once you decide to undertake this trip, there is a golden rule that can not be missed: we must not contact our partner. “As with any addiction, there comes a time when you get the monkey and what to do? Go to the call of rigor of 'how are you?' because that’s the attachment we’re used to, but if you manage to overcome that phase, you will have the will to decide from freedom. Not from inertia or habit, ”adds Antía. "There are people who are very afraid of loneliness because they believe they will not be able to, because they are used to having someone who is aware of them ... and then they tend to exchange one partner for another," he says.
In those cases, there is no real feeling, but a necessity because he thinks he needs another person to survive, "not to live well." For all this, being away for a while and facing new circumstances will get you out of doubt to discern whether it is love or need, if it is a complete relationship or if it is only dependence. Only then can you decipher if you really miss that person, if you want to give your relationship a second chance and, above all, if you are better together than apart.
Decide from free © Alamy
1. RELATE WITH OTHER PEOPLE. “During the week you talk to your friends forever, you interact with your usual partner, you go to work as usual… and that finally has an impact on your synaptic route and in the identistry you have of yourself. By repeating the same thing over and over again, you do not leave that loop and do not access new facets, ”explains Revenga. In addition, meeting new people will also help you understand if you are attracted to other people or not.
2. TAKE THE TIME YOU NEED. To put it somehow, “there are slower and faster brains. There are people who with a weekend in their childhood village can help them realize that they do not want to continue with their partner and others who need a month to discern whether it is love or an addictive attachment. ” The specialists recommend at least one week, as a fair period of time to realize something.
3. DO NOT TAKE IT ALL TIGHTENED AND PLANNED, LEAVE CERTAIN MARGINS TO IMPROVISATION. Even if you see an exhibition that you like or visit that essential monument, it is necessary to leave room for spontaneity, since those moments will be the ones that make you discover new aspects of your personality or your way of relating.
Travel as therapy and as a way to find oneself again © Alamy